Happy Day!

We had a big day in our house this week... not really, if you ask my husband, but for me and our daughter?? It was a huge day. It was Steven's birthday! September 18, 1971 was the day that his momma (I can say momma, because he is Southern) was blessed beyond words 41 years ago. This is the day that he came in to this world and I thank God for that each and every day. I may not show it enough or tell him as much as I should, but I am thankful. Thankful for his birth, thankful for his mistakes, his accomplishments, and thankful for each and every downfall. If it were not for these things, we may not have found each other. And I know that he found me... he pulled me from a dark place and time in my life... I sometimes forget that. I take for granted that Steve did not have to choose me, or my boys for that matter. But he did, and I am so grateful! 

People talk about "God stories" all the time, I KNOW that we were brought together by the hands of God. He put us in the right place and the exact right time and continued to put us in each other's path. Steven  was the funny talkin' Southerner and I was the twice (or 3 or 4...) burned mom with 2 boys, and God continued to put this man in my path. He kept pushing us together... and for that, I am forever thankful!

I don't say it often enough, but I am blessed beyond words. I love this man... with all of my heart and all of my soul. And I am so, so thankful that he is MINE!
 

 

¹⁸ There are three things that amaze me—
no, four things that I don’t understand:
¹⁹ how an eagle glides through the sky,
how a snake slithers on a rock,
how a ship navigates the ocean,
how a man loves a woman.

Proverbs 30:18-19

What's your deal??

So... what's the big deal? Why do I feel the need to have to blog about my religious choices, my Christianity? Because I think that eventually my story will help maybe just one person. One woman who struggles to take her kids to church each week, one person that loves the Lord and wants to show it, but doesn't know how, maybe one person that is ready to take a stand for what she truly believes but has always been afraid. Afraid of what it looks like to her family, her spouse, her colleagues... herself. That is why I am choosing to do this... and you know what else? I like it. I like to tell my story to an audience of 1 or maybe 1000 and hope that I can make a difference!

I come from a loving, supportive family. But I do not come from a family that prayed, from a family that went to church each week or even a family that spoke of God. What I knew about church was what I heard when someone got married, a cousin was confirmed or it was Easter and Christmas. I went in, did the ritual to the best of my ability and sat for an hour, and then we went home. I didn't think about God, I didn't pray before meals and I didn't pray before bedtime. I have always believed in God, but that was as far as it went. I have never had a relationship with Him... He was just this thing that was out there, that I never paid attention to. It's funny now that I think of it. I can think of so many times in my life that I should have turned to God... I got pregnant before I was married... I got divorced... MY SON GOT CANCER... my father had a lung transplant and within a year passed away, my mom had surgery that went horribly wrong and she ended up in ICU... at what point in my life would I realize that I didn't have to do this alone? What was the next BIG thing going to be that snapped me out of "handling things by myself"?? I laugh when I think about this now, because I realize that I haven't been alone... HE has always been there, I just didn't know how to recognize it.

As I am older and diving in to my beliefs, head first without looking back, I have been challenged with what being a believer means. I don't think it means the same thing to everyone, but I am starting to understand what it means to me. It means that first and foremost, I love the Lord and I am ready to do what He calls me to do. What does that look like? I'm not sure. Am I going to stumble and maybe even fall? I am sure I will. But I will get back up, I will dust off my knees and I will carry on. It also means that I am going to face confrontation from people that don't like what I am saying, what I am doing. I am going to have to stand up for myself and my beliefs. That is going to be a huge struggle for me as I HATE confrontation. I would rather poke my own eyes out than stand up for myself. I let people take advantage and walk over me, my hope is that I will learn to love myself through this journey. That through everything, I learn to believe in myself. I KNOW that I have so much to offer and I am excited to see what that looks like!

And like I have said many times in the past and I will say a million times more... I am going to be the best wife, the best mom and the daughter that Heavenly Father has called me to be. And I will learn to soar....



Seek the Lord while he may be found;   call on him while he is near.

Isaiah 55:6

You did what?!

So.. I did it... I posted my blog on Facebook... You know, the place where everyone goes to read about you, look at your pictures.. and judge you?! Yeah, that Facebook. I am dying inside... My heart is beating rapidly, I am sweating, I am scared... scared of what people will say. How they will treat me. This is a huge step. It is me... stepping out into this other side that I don't show people. The side that I hide and only pull out around certain people, on Sundays and when I know that I am safe.

I HATE confrontation! I hate when people disagree with me. I hate not being liked. I am a follower... and now I am letting everyone know... I am a follower of Christ. I will do what is right, I will treat people the way that they deserve to be treated, and I will love them. Loving people has never been my issue. Treating people right is up my alley... but living my life the way that God intended me to live... that is hard. Something I have struggled with and something I will always struggle with. But you know what I am going to do? I am going to take it one step at a time, one day at a time.

I WILL live my life the way I am supposed to... and I will be the best wife, the best mom and the person that God intended me to be.



 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Jeremiah 29:11

knock... knock...

Knock... Knock... this is what my head, my heart, my soul feels like right now. I know that God is knocking on "my door" and is begging to come in... but He is a stranger. He is new to me. He wants to be with me. How do I change the last 38 years of my life and let Him be here? How do I admit that what I have been doing for years and years is not the right way? How do I let Him be the way... my way?

I just do... I breathe (in through the nose, out through the mouth), I open my heart and my mind, and I just let it be. I take the first step and that is admitting... I AM A FOLLOWER OF CHRIST! I am vulnerable, I am open and I know it is NOT going to be easy... but above all else? I KNOW I am doing exactly what God has called me to do. I am going to be the best me... the best mom to my kids, the best wife to my husband and the best daughter to my Heavenly Father.

It is going to be hard, and scary, and new... but it is going to be one heck of a ride! A ride I don't want to get off... 



“Let your mind start a journey thru a strange new world. Leave all thoughts of the world you knew before. Let your soul take you where you long to be...Close your eyes let your spirit start to soar, and you'll live as you've never lived before.”

-Erich Fromm