What's your deal??

So... what's the big deal? Why do I feel the need to have to blog about my religious choices, my Christianity? Because I think that eventually my story will help maybe just one person. One woman who struggles to take her kids to church each week, one person that loves the Lord and wants to show it, but doesn't know how, maybe one person that is ready to take a stand for what she truly believes but has always been afraid. Afraid of what it looks like to her family, her spouse, her colleagues... herself. That is why I am choosing to do this... and you know what else? I like it. I like to tell my story to an audience of 1 or maybe 1000 and hope that I can make a difference!

I come from a loving, supportive family. But I do not come from a family that prayed, from a family that went to church each week or even a family that spoke of God. What I knew about church was what I heard when someone got married, a cousin was confirmed or it was Easter and Christmas. I went in, did the ritual to the best of my ability and sat for an hour, and then we went home. I didn't think about God, I didn't pray before meals and I didn't pray before bedtime. I have always believed in God, but that was as far as it went. I have never had a relationship with Him... He was just this thing that was out there, that I never paid attention to. It's funny now that I think of it. I can think of so many times in my life that I should have turned to God... I got pregnant before I was married... I got divorced... MY SON GOT CANCER... my father had a lung transplant and within a year passed away, my mom had surgery that went horribly wrong and she ended up in ICU... at what point in my life would I realize that I didn't have to do this alone? What was the next BIG thing going to be that snapped me out of "handling things by myself"?? I laugh when I think about this now, because I realize that I haven't been alone... HE has always been there, I just didn't know how to recognize it.

As I am older and diving in to my beliefs, head first without looking back, I have been challenged with what being a believer means. I don't think it means the same thing to everyone, but I am starting to understand what it means to me. It means that first and foremost, I love the Lord and I am ready to do what He calls me to do. What does that look like? I'm not sure. Am I going to stumble and maybe even fall? I am sure I will. But I will get back up, I will dust off my knees and I will carry on. It also means that I am going to face confrontation from people that don't like what I am saying, what I am doing. I am going to have to stand up for myself and my beliefs. That is going to be a huge struggle for me as I HATE confrontation. I would rather poke my own eyes out than stand up for myself. I let people take advantage and walk over me, my hope is that I will learn to love myself through this journey. That through everything, I learn to believe in myself. I KNOW that I have so much to offer and I am excited to see what that looks like!

And like I have said many times in the past and I will say a million times more... I am going to be the best wife, the best mom and the daughter that Heavenly Father has called me to be. And I will learn to soar....



Seek the Lord while he may be found;   call on him while he is near.

Isaiah 55:6